Look Within

Homemade Chai Latte Granola with Vanilla Chia Pudding and Sweet Peaches.. A Perfect start. Yes there is a lot of breakfast.

This is going to be a text heavy post. So if you have time and patience I really hope you read.

For years now I have spent my time hiding the fact that I am a practicing Pagan. My closest friends and family will know that I am absolutely crazed and in love with the Moon and all her wonders. That I adorn myself in spiritual guidance and come the Autumn I celebrate the coming of the new year (October 31st) with great joy.

Sadly the price I paid as a youngster for being into witchcraft, spiritualism and Tarot came at a price. I was desperate to be accepted, fit in be part of the “norm” to be desired, liked.

I was teased and taunted and my sensitivity lead to anxiety, deep sadness and self loathing.

Many young people succumb to the peer pressure to fit in, be accepted and sadly change who they are because of this. The brutality of the modern world isn’t any different to that of many years ago we sadly just hear more and can see more thanks to the incredible invention of the Internet. Used correctly it’s an amazing outlet for some inspiring young people, businesses and talent.

Sadly it’s also used for cruelty. It’s easy to hide behind. My post isn’t to seek attention nor is it for people to pity. It’s to raise a common awareness one that I hope people will share.

My need to be myself was so low I buried who I was into a place so dark I almost dissapeared. Changed aspects of my personality, the once happy go lucky, sporty witch girl became a lost, emotional wreck. I abused my body with alcohol, barely slept, binge ate food, starved myself. Locked myself away. Ran away from home. Dare I say it –  wanted to vanish.

Painful as this is to admit many humans suffer these lows and get teased for who they are and what they look like.

Big features, skinny arms, boney chested freak I would repeat to myself. Lacking in physical confidence all these aspects I considered my faults.

The biggest fault was believing that my physicality was all I had. Sadly many of us compare and women and men alike can be cruel. Working within the beauty and fashion industry I’ve witnessed first hand how brutal humans can be about each other.

Isn’t she fat. God her body is disgusting. Far too thin. Men don’t like that. Too big. Too small. TOO SHALLOW.

Now I admit it’s easy to be judgemental. But when you consider that perhaps being human is a spiritual experience and our souls have a basic need for Air, food, water and social interaction, it’s no wonder so many beautiful, creative individuals can fall victim to horrific comparisons and beating themselves up for not being considered socially beautiful. Society can be cruel and the more we raise awareness for mental health and lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down there is a greater chance people will be able to feel comfortable being who they are.

I started blogging as a creative outlet and found my love for fitness and writing and creating has brought me back to myself. It’s taken years of shame and self loathing to reach a point where I surround myself with incredibly beautiful, driven talented individuals who celebrate their differences and admire others achievements rather than being destructive and bitchy.

It takes a lot to be who you are. It takes a lot to go out there and say this is me. Flaws and all.

I hope you read and I hope you share.

You’re as beautiful as you allow yourself to be. We all should enjoy the time we’ve been given. It’s short.

So enough enough emotion for one post here’s some images shot on my morning run.

My next post will be the recipe for my Chai Granola.

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3 Comments

  1. Thank you for such an honest and heartfelt post Alex, it really hit a chord with me. Fabulous that you are now able to follow your heart and not societies pressures, wonderful. Xx

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